October 2012

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June 20th, 2012

stefan_kador: (wolftotem)
Wednesday, June 20th, 2012 08:06 pm
So I've spent the past few days reading more about trans* issues and so forth, and thinking. Not been easy dealing with the whole possibility that hey, maybe I'm not trans after all. Because I still feel the same. Trans isn't a perfect fit, but it's the only label that mostly fits. I feel like 75% of me is male, 25% is vaguely female/other.  And since I've been this way for the past half-century, I don't think I'm going to change.

Not sure where that leaves me. I'm definitely seriously considering getting a binder, to see if that helps the way I feel. Still don't see myself attempting to transition in the near future, though.

Twenty years ago, looking back, I think I came as near to it as I ever will. It would have been a good age to go for it, I think - old enough to be certain, young enough to enjoy my new-found 'boyhood'.  By now, of course, I'd probably be bald and middle-aged, but I'd have grown into it. I suspect I'd look a lot like my brother. He's tall and lean and doesn't have a lot of hair left, though he has some. I think I'd still be the weird, socially awkward, somewhat introverted type I've always been, just a guy version. That would be fine with me.

But the transition horse fled the stable a long time ago. I'm pretty sure it's too late now.

Oh well.